God spoke to me when I almost gave up...
Valerie Philip
As I am about to write this testimony, the Lord brings me back to that day when it happened.
It was in September - to be precise it was 27 September 2020. It was on Sunday, I was already starting the ministry and I was in Cambodia about a year or so. I have a few people in my home church service. I opened my small rented room as a place for worship and did my ministry and outreach as well.
It wasn’t easy to gather people, I tried to put others first, I served, I did everything myself. Even though the people that are with me are the believers, they don’t quite understand our stand and the responsibility as a true believer. I demonstrated by serving them each day and especially on Sunday during our Sunday service. But it’s never enough.
Every day was a struggle, especially on weekends, it’s always filled with disappointment and I always tried my best not to explode. I don’t really tell people about it other than my mentor and my former employer, because they won’t judge me. Of course I tell the Lord too.
But on that particular day, it’s really too much and I think I had enough. I am alone in my room, and started complaining to Jesus telling Him all the disappointment and everything that makes me want to stop caring. Of course He already knows but somehow it makes me feel better when I say it out loud.
It’s like a child who’s complaining to her father why things happen and always seem so unfair. I wept, wailing, and talking at the same time that night pouring whatever anger and disappointment I had. After tired of crying and talking finally I calmed down.
And a while later, suddenly, He reminded me of the story of Peter, when He denied Jesus and then He restored him much later after His resurrection. He asked Peter 3 times if he loves Him and it made me cry even more because actually He was asking me the same question and I just couldn’t speak because I understand what He was trying to tell me, that if I really loved Him then I should do likewise. How I know that it’s the Lord because a week later I’ve got a big job offer but I have to leave Phnom Penh and move to a nearby province.
It was a mixed feeling because I can choose to take the job and forget about the difficult people but because of His grace and love for me, I know how to make the right choice by staying put instead of deserting the people and doing things according to my feelings and desires.
May this encourage and remind us all that when life is too tough and you are about to give up, talk to the Lord for He will always be there for you. He will never forsake you or abandon you.
Etha moved to Phnom Penh in 2019 after receiving a dream and further confirmation from God to work among the poor in Cambodia. She continues to teach English on weekdays and reaches out to the community on weekends.